Someone’s Gonna Bring the Pain: How to Deal With Feedback

You know, I really hate the saying, "Rip the band-aid off quick. It'll hurt less." I call BS. It's going to hurt, and we all know it. The whole experience around it sucks. You have the injury that necessitated the band-aid, the period of wincing before the band-aid is yanked off, and of course, the actual pain from said ripping. 

Where am I going with all this, and how does it relate to feedback on your script or project? Well, that's kind of how the process of feedback goes. You have the pain of needing to get feedback, then the dreading while waiting to hear what the feedback is, and finally, the pain of hearing said feedback. Now, admittedly this sucks much more than ripping off a band-aid. 

For one, the pain and memory of that pain last way longer. Two, it hurts your soul and can make you feel like a failure. All that hard work, obsessing, and stress of putting together a script from beginning to end, just to be told it still needs work, can feel like the worst aspect of this craft. 

Embrace the Dread

What if I told you that this painful experience is one of the most important and beneficial things I've put myself through in the craft? Would you call me a sadist? I hope not. While I love the feedback process, I actually dislike pain very much. However, it's where I get to discover what works, what doesn't, and what still needs tweaking. I still go through the above stages of pain every time I submit my writing to anyone or any writer's group for notes, and the pain is so worth it.

With good feedback, my story has a better chance of getting better. So how have I come to withstand this self-actuated torture? The biggest is understanding the importance and necessity of feedback. It's probably the quickest and easiest to comprehend. 

Why the Band-aid Should Come Off

Feedback is a tool that serves to help identify the problem areas in your material and, in the best cases, give you options on how to resolve those problems. It's a fresh set of eyes that tell you what works and where the weaknesses within the writing are. 

You’ve been click-clacking at your keyboard for hours, days, weeks, and months to get this thing written and possibly spend just about the same amount of time reading it repeatedly. You’re going to have blind spots. I still do every time I write something. I turn it in assured that I have no “amateur” mistakes to find out after feedback that I missed an All-CAPS on the first introduction of multiple characters. My reaction is the same every time, “How’d I miss that?” People that have never seen the draft you’re turning in always catch issues like that. They come at your story from a different angle and see things you’re blind to. 

However, sometimes the feedback they give may not work for your story. That said, I come from the school of thought that not all feedback is correct, but all feedback should be considered. The idea here is that while what the person says may not be the actual issue, they may have pointed to a chink in the armor, and that area should be examined. 

For example, let's say you have written an action scene, and they say the scene should be cut because it's not crucial to furthering the story. However, as the writer, you know the sequence has to come because it puts the character in X spot afterward. Sure they could be correct, and you should cut the whole scene and move on. But how about examining the moment and seeing if you could tweak something to make that scene fit? Get to the root of where their feedback is coming from. It may not be obvious, but they may be pointing you in the direction of something missing that necessitates the scene, but they just don’t have the words to articulate it. I can almost guarantee that if you identify the flaw at that moment and retool it, they won't have the same issue with the scene when they reread it.

Brace for the Pain

The other is a bit more elusive and takes practice. It's about learning not to let the feedback hit you like a personal attack. Which admittedly is hard to do and damn near impossible in certain situations. 

As stated earlier, hearing feedback can make you feel like a failure. It's normal and completely understandable. That's because you are being fully vulnerable when you put a piece of yourself out there to be judged. Whether it's a story about you or a far-off and distant world doesn't matter. It still came from within you. It's a piece of you, and getting that judged is scary.

So how do we soften the blow? Try to separate the comments from the defensiveness they may invoke. I know it seems impossible and can be harder when it feels like, and may very well be, an attack from someone giving notes. I get it. We all want to defend ourselves and our precious story babies, but we may miss the note-giver's point if we get defensive. Try to set aside those feelings until you have heard all the feedback. Don't react until you have had time to process it.

Now, I am not saying you have to sit there and take it if someone is directly attacking you like a bully. It's disrespectful, unprofessional, and unacceptable behavior. I have sat in many note sessions where the note giver attacks the writer. "You should have done this, done that, or what were you thinking." In the worst scenarios, I have heard them straight out say that they are a terrible writer. That's awful, and all it does is force the person to doubt their abilities even more. There's nothing constructive about it, and I won't stand for it when I hear it. Don't be afraid to speak up, or at the very least, tell the person that is leading the notes session. A good leader should be one to stop the attacks before you have to say anything.

When giving notes, I do everything in my power to provide only constructive notes directed at the writing, not the writer. Getting solid notes on a project is painful enough, like getting stabbed. Having someone straight out attack you is like them twisting the blade.

Be aware of this in the times you give feedback as well. This relationship should be a two-way street. Plus, giving feedback will also help you understand feedback and be an asset to finding issues early on in your script. More on that in another piece.

Let 'er Rip

Feedback is one of the most powerful tools in a writer's toolbox. It's the thing guaranteed to help you find the leaks in the pipes and give you the nails to fix them or whatever part is needed to fix plumbing. I'm a writer, not a plumber. 

Don't be nervous about feedback. Look forward to it and keep an open mind. If you take full advantage of notes and feedback, your script will be better than if you went at it alone, I assure you. Embrace the pain and rip off the band-aid.